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[personal profile] fisme_nasu

Stupid dreams. Stupid brain. Stupid everything. >:(

I just got back from visiting my mom and seeing my 2 bffs, [ profile] swankivy and [ profile] xbale . I wish I'd had more time.

My mom wanted to know everything about Doug. I told her I barely knew him and I wasn't going to pursue him because I'm MARRIED. She said, "So what?" Dude, I'm not a cheater. The only times I ever was in a situation like that were when the guy told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend (that was a lie, and I got hell from her later) and when the guy's girlfriend practically asked me to sleep with him so he'd leave her alone. Right, Ivy?  :)  But really, if I were going to pursue him, I'd either have to divorce my husband or be in a poly relationship where all parties know what the fuck is going on and they were ok with it. And I don't think I have the ability to be in a healthy poly relationship.

I asked her if she wanted me to split up with Brendon; she said that he didn't deserve me and I could do so much better. I told her that there were times that I completely agreed with her, but I still feel like our relationship can be salvaged. Plus, the last thing I need to do if I split up with Bren is run straight into the arms of another guy. And the guy in question probably wouldn't want me - especially since he's stated that he doesn't really want relationships or children anytime soon.

So of course, last night I had to dream about Doug - in the dream, we were walking to school together and he stopped me, kissed me, and told me he loved me. I told him that I loved him too and kissed him back. And then I woke up, thinking I DID WHAT? I'm really, really hoping this is just my brain spewing out garbage and not showing me something that's been hiding in my subconscious.

Date: 2011-03-31 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"OH GOD PLEASE SLEEP WITH HIM AND MAKE HIM STOP TRYING TO SEX ME!!!" --Paraphrased seventeen-year-old Ivy speak

It didn't work--he still tried to sex me--but thanks for trying. :)

This whole Doug thing is weird. I'm glad you recognize it for what it is and that you're acting like a grown-up about it, but your mom's comments are kind of scary. . . .

Date: 2011-04-01 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think she wants me to pay Brendon back for his stupidity by doing something even more stupid and hurtful. Which is not really surprising - she holds grudges and would dance on someone's grave. I get that she's really angry on my behalf, but still. :/

Date: 2011-04-01 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think that in spite of every thing, your head is very level and screwed on straight. And with that said, you cannot control your dreams, so don't beat up on your dream self. My dream self does all sorts of naughty things!! Reality is what counts.

Date: 2011-04-01 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I don't think you're actually in love with him; I think that you are very flattered by Doug's attention and after what you went through with Bren, it's perfectly understandable why you find Doug interesting.



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