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[personal profile] fisme_nasu

Stupid dreams. Stupid brain. Stupid everything. >:(

I just got back from visiting my mom and seeing my 2 bffs, [livejournal.com profile] swankivy and [livejournal.com profile] xbale . I wish I'd had more time.

My mom wanted to know everything about Doug. I told her I barely knew him and I wasn't going to pursue him because I'm MARRIED. She said, "So what?" Dude, I'm not a cheater. The only times I ever was in a situation like that were when the guy told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend (that was a lie, and I got hell from her later) and when the guy's girlfriend practically asked me to sleep with him so he'd leave her alone. Right, Ivy?  :)  But really, if I were going to pursue him, I'd either have to divorce my husband or be in a poly relationship where all parties know what the fuck is going on and they were ok with it. And I don't think I have the ability to be in a healthy poly relationship.

I asked her if she wanted me to split up with Brendon; she said that he didn't deserve me and I could do so much better. I told her that there were times that I completely agreed with her, but I still feel like our relationship can be salvaged. Plus, the last thing I need to do if I split up with Bren is run straight into the arms of another guy. And the guy in question probably wouldn't want me - especially since he's stated that he doesn't really want relationships or children anytime soon.

So of course, last night I had to dream about Doug - in the dream, we were walking to school together and he stopped me, kissed me, and told me he loved me. I told him that I loved him too and kissed him back. And then I woke up, thinking I DID WHAT? I'm really, really hoping this is just my brain spewing out garbage and not showing me something that's been hiding in my subconscious.
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