fisme_nasu: (Default)
Last night, Katie and I went for a walk. Our apartment complex has a pond with sidewalks surrounding it, so we walked around 3 times. Along with the regular squirrels and geese, there were about a dozen canadian geese hanging around, and then we saw a baby armadillo. It was very cute - like you crossed a rat, a kangaroo, and a roly poly bug. The people feeding the geese were trying to catch it, but they were scared of touching it. XD

When we got back, we had carrots and mushrooms with dip, and after I got Benny to sleep, I made meatballs and Italian sausage for sandwiches. And my family didn't scarf everything down this time, so we can have pasta later in the week. :D I want to try harder to get more fruits and veggies in. Besides what I mentioned and the onions in the meatballs, the only other thing I had were the lettuce, tomato, and pickle on my grilled chicken sandwich.

Ben didn't sleep very well last night, which means neither did I. I'm working OT this morning and afternoon - our offices in India are closed today, for some reason, so we get to make some extra bucks. Which are going into my play/clothing budget. If it were more than 2 hours, it'd go to savings.

Which reminds me - I have to pay my bills. EDIT - I'm using the round robin method of paying my credit cards down. The way they explain it is you work on getting all your cards down to 30% of the limit as quickly as possible, starting with the card with the lowest limit. You pay the minimum payment on the rest of the cards and pay as much as you can until that one gets down to 30%, and then start on the next lowest limit. I already met my goal today on my first card - my LB card - and made a dent in the next one. I really, really want to get my credit score up and make it stick this time.
fisme_nasu: (Default)
So we sat down last night and went over menus, money, and wants where it pertains to Disney and the San Diego trip. We decided that if we could get reservations everywhere we wanted to go, we'd get the dining plan. I called this morning and got reservations everywhere except Le Cellier - but I can keep trying back. So I guess dining plan it is! For food, lodging, and tickets, it'll cost $95 per person per day for the three of us - Ben is free. We'll bring extra for souveniers and random purchases (like turkey legs for Mr. Bren and Monkey).

In San Diego, Bren's aunt works for Hyatt and we can stay at her hotel super cheap (we're staying with family 2 nights), we'll probably share a car with his cousin, and the family will be feeding us almost the whole time. I am hoping to do some touristy stuff on the Sunday and Monday after the wedding, but all in all, our expenses out there are pretty low.

So now comes more planning. We have to look at a few things at pet supermarket to make sure our cats have enough food and water and a reasonably clean litterbox, we have to set up hotel reservations out there and a rental car, I have to buy a dress.... I started back at the gym yesterday. Blech. But I need to get my stamina up for walking all day at Disney and I'd like to drop some inches so I can fit into my summery clothes. 8 weeks, woo hoo! I need to find a weight training program, though. Any good websites with detailed instructions so I don't kill myself?
fisme_nasu: (Default)
I started the Weight Watchers plan today. My lovely friend Jenny found the materials we got when we joined almost 3 years ago and handed them over on Sunday. Hopefully I can hand them back in a years time with some measure of success. But right now I'm kind of kicking the ground and pouting like a three year old. There's a big basket of candy out in the dining room and I want some. But that means eating into my points for the day or the flex points for the week, because I've calculated for dinner already and it's going to be slightly atrocious.

Anyway, I get to hop on the scale again when I visit the girl doctor for my sonogram - they couldn't feel my organs from the outside, so they're going to try using video to determine the health of my baby making parts - and I figure I'll jump on the scale at the store when I go once a week.

I really don't want to put my current weight down... It feels so ugly. And I don't need any help feeling ugly. But I may as well get it over with. Just rip off the bandaid once and for all and get it out there. It's just a number, right?

Weight at the doctor's office on 10/28 - 312

I want to hide now.

Ah, Friday

Apr. 25th, 2008 10:34 am
fisme_nasu: (Default)

Just a quick post because we are getting our asses kicked at work yet again.

Bust - 49.5" = -.5"
Waist - 40" = -1"
Hips - 61 = -.5"
Under belly - 54.5 = 0
Thigh - 27" = 0
Arm - 17.5 = -.5"

So I'm back to making a bit of progress again. We'll see how it goes.

fisme_nasu: (Default)

Bust - 50" = 0
Waist - 41" = +1"
Hips - 61.5 =0
Under belly - 54.5 = -1"
Thigh - 27" = -.5"
Arm - 17.5 = -.5"

So I gained in my waist, stayed the same in my bust and overall hips, but lost in my ass, thighs, and arms? I've been just doing the bike still, hefting my ever heavier son around, and started pilates. Maybe my tummy is lifting up some more, maybe I'm a bit bloated because of the looming girl time, maybe it's all the salt and sugar I consumed this week. 

Today I have to drive to Ocala to drop Katie off with my parents, so I think I'll be missing the gym. I'm going to try for at least one pilates workout and one cardio workout this weekend. I'm supposed to go look at more dresses next week, so we'll see how it goes.

fisme_nasu: (Default)
 Today I tried pilates. I didn't know I had abs before, but I do now, because they hurt. The rest of me feels nice and stretched out. I couldn't do two of the moves because I couldn't get the momentum up to roll, but I did the rest of the 20 minutes with minimal issue. It wasn't hard hard, but it wasn't easy, either. The 20 minutes went by really fast.

If it continues to be good I'll try to do it three days a week and do cardio three days a week. I really want to be serious about losing weight, but it's really hard to stay focused. I'm amazed by Bren and how dedicated he's been. I just suck at staying on track when I hate doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing.

We'll just have to see how it goes.
fisme_nasu: (Default)
Sooooooooooooo, it's Friday again. 

Bust - 50" = 0
Waist - 40" = 0
Hips 61.5 = + 1.5
Under belly - 55.5 = 0
Thigh 27.5 = 0
Upper arm - 18 = + .5

So, gain or no loss again. I've been really stressed out the last two weeks what with the whole dress experience and Ben teething, and that sends me straight to the refrigerator. Plus the good treadmill is busted and whenever I go to the gym, there are these three black guys there reeking of pot and taking turns using the other treadmill. So I've been only doing the bike. One of the girls in the wedding community suggested I try pilates, so I'm going to Target to pick up a dvd. I've done some yoga-ish exercises before and I'm told it's not that different - maybe faster. 

I'm working really hard on trying to be ok with myself as I am now. It's pretty much one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I'm going to keep on trying, both inwardly and outwardly.

Work is kicking my ass - they're begging for overtime, I could really use the money, but I'm so exhausted. I really just need 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But that's not going to happen anytime soon. Ben is still in with us - there's no where else to put him - and putting him in bed with us when he wakes up is automatic now. Half the time, I don't even remember doing it. But he hates his crib and won't go to sleep unless he's held or nursed. We tried letting him cry it out, but the screams just got louder and louder. And he refuses to take the bottle. I hope he takes to the sippy cup, because I'm cutting his cute little butt off soon.
fisme_nasu: (Default)

Next Friday, I'll be in Tampa internet-less, so I'll try to post on Thursday. Next week is also trying on dress time, which terrifies me. I don't want to look awful..... I'm going to Lane Bryant to buy a body shaper to rein in my tummy a bit and see if that helps any. I wish they had one for upper arms :/

On to the numbers game.

Bust: 50" -.5"
Waist: 40" = 0
Hips: 60" - 1.5"
Under belly: 55.5 -.5"
Thigh: 27.5 = 0
Arm: 17.75 = 0

So I've made a bit of progress. I didn't go to the gym Wednesday because it's happy fun time and day 1 is always painful. I know they say exercise helps, but fuck them, whoever they are. I walked to school for 5 years while getting "the curse" and I always just wanted to curl up in a ball afterwards. Maybe I'm retaining a bit of water and I'll lose some in my waist and bust next week, but I'm not counting on it. 

They've got this new (mini) series on TLC called I Can Make You Thin. It's not a diet, just changing the way you think about food. And I need help there.  The first episode was very interesting - I'm about a week behind in watching. But it featured the Four Golden Rules:

When you are hungry, EAT.
Eat what you want, not what you think you should.
Eat consciously and enjoy every mouthful.
When you think you are full, stop eating.

And that's very weird to someone like me, who's tried several diets and tried to lose weight without success. He basically said, eat things that you really enjoy, put down your fork after every bite and chew slowly 20 times, and pay attention to how you feel. Usually, by the time I eat, I'm so hungry, I scarf the food down in minutes. And I'm reading or watching tv - that's a big nono. And that's hard to do in this family, but I've gotta break that habit.

Baby's fussing, so I gotta go. I'll think more about this and post later.

fisme_nasu: (Benny)
Sorry, just have the woodchuck cartoon from Animaniacs in my head.

Bust - 50.5" +.5"
Waist - 40" = 0
Hips - 61.5" = 0
Under belly - 56" - .5"
Thigh - 27.5 = 0
Arm - 17.75" -.25

As you can see, I'm still dealing with the repercussions of not going to the gym. As for my breasts, it could be a gain or it could be that my boobs are still kind of full. I try to measure after the baby's drained them pretty good, but either way, ugh. But I did go to the gym on Monday and Wednesday and I plan on going today. I need to get off my butt and do some toning exercises, but I'm too embarassed to do them in front of people and too busy during the day. Most of the time I can't even take my lunch break because I've been away from my computer too often with the bubela. Sigh. I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and do it. 

Still, at least I maintained or lost a little bit. And the happy fun time is coming soon, so I'm hoping for a big loss of water weight when it's over. I've reined in my eating a little bit, but still eating too much junk and not enough produce.  I guess I'll have to act like a grownup and MAKE myself do it.  :/
fisme_nasu: (Popular)
I feel all exhausted and depressed and just ugh. I don't have much reason to - I was tapped for a promotion at work on Wednesday - no money yet, they want to see how I fit into the job first. But some things were said to me - not hurtful or even about me, but they still set me off in this awful spiral and I'm trying really hard to maintain right now. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks and it looks as if I'm not going today - they're begging for OT. But I said I'd update, and I'm gonna.

Bust - 50" +.5
Waist - 40" = 0
Hips - 61.5" +.5
Under belly - 56.5" +1
Thigh - 27.5" = 0
Upper arm = 18" +.25

So not exercising and eating poorly = no progress or gain. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself. I really want to wallow in guilt, but I can't because that'll make it worse.

Right now, I really want to just say fuck it, but I can't. I can't keep doing things the way I am. I've been really lucky healthwise, but judging by my family history, that luck will run out soon if I don't do something. I'm going to bust my ass at work and think about what's really important.

ETA - maybe I'm just being overdramatic. I do that from time to time. I just went back and looked at my original measurements and saw how far I've come. And it's pretty far. It just seems like nothing is happening. And when I made those goals, they were for the end of the summer, and it's not even spring yet. I'm just scared because I'm planning on trying on dresses for the first time on April 4, and that's awfully soon. I really don't want to look as terrible as I think I will.
fisme_nasu: (Doctor)
Today is Ben's 6 month birthday! Woo hoo! He is way too cute.

And now for my check in.

Bust = 49.5" - 1" - total 3.5"
Waist = 40" - .5" - total 7.5"
Hips = 61" - .5" - total 5"
Under belly = 55.5" - 1.5" total - 4.5"
Thigh = 27.5" - .5" - total 2.5"
Arm - 17.75" - .25" - total 2.25"

So things are starting to even out a little bit. This week was happy fun time week so I'm surprised I made any progress - I'm usually really bloated and uncomfortable. And I was. Plus I missed Friday's workout due to Monkey travel time and I didn't go on Wednesday due to happy fun time. I will get off my butt and go today.

Sometimes it really feels like I'm not making any progress. But then I see those numbers and realize that I'm only 1 inch away from my goal on my waist, 2.5 on my bust, and so on. I want to start trying wedding dresses on in 5 weeks. That means I don't have all that much time left, and I have so far to go on my tummy/hip area. I might have to resign myself to wearing a fuller skirt - or buying a larger size dress and having the bust and waist taken in. Ugh. But I don't have to buy a dress that day, I can just focus on finding what looks good on me. I don't plan on stopping the exercise once I get the dress, so maybe I should wait and order later or buy a dress off the rack closer to THE DAY.

I'm just glad I'm making progress, because the farther I get, the more I want to keep going. Don't get me wrong, I still hate getting all hot and sweaty. But I'm not panting when I get up to the top of the stairs. That's a good thing. And maybe - just maybe - I'll get healthier permanently.
fisme_nasu: (firefly witch)

And here we go.

Bust - 50.5"
Waist - 40.5"
Hips - 61.5"
Under belly - 57"
Thigh - 28"
Arm - 18"

I could be all "well, I hit a plateau," but I'd be lying through my teeth. I ate such large amounts of horrible things this week that I'm surprised I haven't gained. I ordered some British chocolate from jollygrub.com and ate a whole bunch of it every day. And while my brain, stomach, and salivary glands say, "OOH, CHOCOLATE!!!!" and instruct me to eat a bunch, my body says, "oh, god, not chocolate," and reacts by being sluggish and exhausted for the next 18 hours. And I KNOW this happens, and I do it again. Blurgh. 

So the chocolate is being placed on the highest shelf in the pantry and will eaten one serving per week. I also should start going to the gym more than just three days a week because my body is getting used to it, and I should start some toning exercises, especially my arms, abs, and back. I just wish I knew some. I could probably look it up online, but I'm too annoyed with myself right now to do so. 

fisme_nasu: (Lister)
Time just goes way too fast. Ben will be 6 months old in two weeks. 

Anyway, time for a progress report.

Bust - 51" - lost .5" - total 2"
Waist 41" - lost 1.5" - total 6.5"
Hips 62" - lost .5" - total 4"
Under belly 57" - lost 1" - total 3"
Thigh 28" - lost  .5" - total 2"
Upper arm 18" - lost 1" - total 2"

Well, so far the saying "last on, first off" is true - I've lost more in my waist and upper arms percentage wise than anywhere else. It doesn't seem like I'm making much progress in the hip area, but actually, I am. My horrible "apron" is lifting itself up and it doesn't touch the top of my thighs when I stand or spread so far across my lap when I sit. It's still a pain in the ass to manage while trying on clothing, but whatever.

I'm actually very surprised at the progress this week. I missed two of my three gym visits. Friday was the Katie drive, and Bren got sick, so I didn't get the chance to make it up this weekend. And Wednesday, *I* was sick. I'm going to see how I feel today, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to go. I also ate a lot of crap - chocolate cake anyone? But I'm still trying, so that's a good thing. Usually by this point, I've thrown in the towel. But I have seen progress, and the threat of wearing white and having lots of pictures taken looms largely in my brain. I do need to buy some new bras soon. My old band size is 46 and I just measured and I'm 41 there now. But the breastfeeding is still going on... sigh.

I am getting close to my goals for most of my measurements.

Bust - 47 inches  = 4 inches away
Waist - 39 inches  = 2 inches away (I'm going to pass this one, I think.)
Hips - 50 inches = 12 inches away (7 under the tummy)
Upper arm - 15 inches = 3 inches away
Upper thigh - 24 inches  = 4 inches away

The hips are going to be a pain to get. I better start doing some ab work. Bleah.

Oh, and I still hate going to the gym. But I always feel good when I'm done and walking home. Weird.
fisme_nasu: (Popular)

It's Friday again - so here we go!

Bust - 51.5" - lost .5" - total 1.5"
Waist - 42.5" - lost 3.5" - total 5" (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Hips - 62.5" - lost 2" - total 3.5"
Under belly - 58" - lost 1" - total 2"
Thigh - 28.5" - lost .5" - total 1.5"
Upper arm - 19" - lost .5" - total 1"

Holy crap!  So obviously the exercise is doing it for me because I'm certainly not eating properly yet. I'm doing better, but not what I should - especially with the fruits and veggies. It looks like my tummy wants to go away first, which is perfectly fine with me! I'm still only doing cardio. I'll add in some toning in a week or two.

Oh and I really wish clothing manufacturers would size the same. Cause I got into a size 24 (24! Oh my god I haven't been in that size since I had Katie!) pair of pants from the Avenue, but the 26 jeans from Wally world were tight. :P And the 26 jeans from Lane Bryant are starting to get pretty loose, too.

Am I happy with the progress I've made? Of course. But I have so far to go. I've never found it easy to set small goals; I always want to go straight for the big payoffs. And usually, I crap out way before I get there because I'm disappointed in myself for not getting there yet. It's been really hard to stay focused. I have my goals, I know what I want and why, but I still hear the voices in my head telling me it's too hard, it's not worth it, you'll never get there, etc. I just have to go back to being two and trying to be the little engine that could.

fisme_nasu: (Hiro)

I've made a bit of progress this week... It kinda helps that the bigger you are, the faster it comes off (at first).

Bust - 52"  -1
Waist - 46"  -1 1/2
Hips 64 1/2"  -1 1/2  under belly 59" -1
upper arm - 19 1/2"  -1/2
Thigh - 29"  -1

All of that is thanks to exercise. I went to the gym every day I was supposed to and ended up walking for about 40 minutes yesterday when I had to pick up Monkey from her tutoring. My eating wasn't so good. I ate too much junk due to it being that time of the month, angsty behavior from it being that time of the month, and sugar/caffeine withdrawal. I'm going to have to go along with what you said, Ms. Evilsheepz, and wean myself off of the diet coke. I also didn't eat enough fruit and veggies, but I'll do better this week.

And Mr. Man is doing a bang up job, too. He's been to the gym every time he was supposed to, too.

So tonight is another gym visit and Saturday we're going to the Gainesville Ren Faire, where I plan on doing a bunch of walking.  :) I HAVE to get an mp3 player - the people around me are way too distracting and there's no music in the gym. I am starting to feel better after I come home, so yay!

fisme_nasu: (Default)
Rimmer is staring at me disapprovingly. Why? Well, I just took my measurements. And it's not good, people. Warning: this contains a bit of angst and size stuff about me that if you don't want to know, you should look away.

Bust - 53 inches
Waist - 47 1/2 inches
Hips - 66 inches (under belly 60 inches - I have what my friend Rachel calls an "apron." My ass is still huge.)
Upper arm - 20 inches
Upper thigh - 30 inches

So, in other words, huge.

I'm going to be following my progress by my measurements. Mainly because the number of my weight doesn't really match up with the way I look. I've seen people featured on those discovery health programs who looked about my size but weighed 40 lbs less or who weighed the same as I do and had to have their clothing custom made because their body didn't hold it's structure as well as mine did/does.

Why am I sharing this? Well, accountability for one thing. And maybe the humiliation will be a motivating factor. Not that it isn't humiliating enough exercising in front of strangers, but I've always tried to keep this issue a secret from my loved ones so they won't be as ashamed of me as I am.

I'm also hoping for pats on the back when I do make progress.  :)

Here are my goals for the end of the summer:

Bust - 47 inches  = 6 inches
Waist - 39 inches  = 8 1/2 inches
Hips - 50 inches = 16 inches
Upper arm - 15 inches = 5 inches
Upper thigh - 24 inches  = 6 inches

Again, it's a lot, but then again, maybe not so much. (weird, I just checked the size chart for the Lane Bryant website and I shouldn't be fitting in ANY of their pants as I am now. Hmm.) As I've said many times, I don't want to be skinny, but I'm tired of the way I look now. How am I going to do this?

Cut out carbonated beverages. Sorry Diet Coke, but I'm pretty sure you're bloating me and making me hungrier than I should be. I'll finish off my last bottle and you're out of here.
Up my fruit/veggie/fiber intake.
Cut out sweets. It's like crack to me - once I have a bite, I have to eat the whole damn thing, as was reinforced a while ago. Maybe some sugar free jello or puddin'.
Eat lean proteins.
Drink water, water, and more water.
Special K for breakfast, baby! Oh, and yogurt with lunch. I gotta get my dairy in.
Hit the gym 3x per week and try to get in some exercise on the off days.

Not too bad. I'm just going to have to make sure my family knows that this is what I'm doing.

I'm going to post progress reports on Fridays, so here goes.

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