I'm an idiot. Well, sort of.

[fisme_nasu]

Last night I had to run out and get my birth control pills because I was supposed to start a new pack that night. I grabbed a few other essentials (listerine, girl stuff) and stepped up to the pharmacy to get my pills and pay. After I was done, I started walking down the aisle to get out and my eye caught the diet pills. I stood there looking for a good 10 minutes and then I walked away. And then I hesitated on the way out the door, dithering over whether or not to go back and buy some. Argh!

I know that they only work for a small percentage of the population, and it's only temporary. The lady who cut my hair last week told me she had gone on Meridia and it worked for her with no side effects. And there's this girl at work who takes Hydroxycut and says her energy is up and she's lost 15 or so pounds (she's not fat to begin with, but whatever). And the fact that I have to get on a plane in less than 3 months is scaring me - the last time I flew, I was oh, 50 or 60 pounds lighter than I am now and it was uncomfortable then. I don't want to be asked to buy another seat, I don't want to have to get a seatbelt extender, I don't want to draw any attention to myself at all.

Why am I so stubborn when it comes to getting exercise? You know what my excuses are? I'm too tired. I don't want to leave Bren and Katie alone with Ben. I want to nap on my lunch break. Ugh. I hate myself and my stupid body right now. I gotta start writing down what I eat and just go to the gym and get it over with. It feels like a punishment.

Comments

[nanci-raygun.livejournal.com]

here's the thing though: the more you sit around, the more tired you become. Getting physical activity helps you stay awake, moves your body, motivates you.

The more excuses you make, the more you're not going to get anything done. Is it fun? Not in the beginning, no. But the fact of the matter is that if you're getting heavy to the point of embarrassment, you have to think about your family too. Leaving them alone for an hour with their father so you can take care of yourself, ensuring that you will stick around for YEARS to come... that's not selfish. You HAVE to take care of yourself in order to take care of other people! You will have renewed energy, get sick less often, have higher self esteem, like yourself.. hell, LOVE yourself!

It's not a punishment. You are punishing your body by doing nothing. Our bodies NEED exercise, and NEED to be pushed and made to work. Resting is essential too, but a constate state of rest actually puts more stress on your body than you would believe! Break free of that mentality and start moving your body and you will start jumping out of bed, getting better rest, enjoying food more, feeling good again!

And I apologize if any of this sounded mean or wah-wah-wah, but what you are saying is EXACTLY what I had been telling myself for YEARS, and sometimes do tell myself. It hurts us more to convince ourselves "ooohh, I don't want to leave so and so because I don't blahdy-blah." It's just another way to avoid change, which we know we need.

[fisme-nasu.livejournal.com]

I'm already heavy past the point of embarrassment. :P

No, you don't sound mean. I need to be kicked in the ass. I have a really hard time doing anything for myself, and it's worse if it's something I don't like. I'm just as bad as my husband - he's a picky eater that just wants to hang around and watch tv all day, and I don't want to do anything that's not easy for me - unless I get paid for it or I really like doing it.

I really did feel better last year when I was going to our little gym and walking on the treadmill and riding on the stationary bike. I just got lazy. AGAIN. I just have to grit my teeth and do it.

[lizwontcry.livejournal.com]

I have taken Meridia on and off for years, and while it does what it's supposed to do--I don't eat much when I take it--it also causes ridiculous insomnia, no sex drive, dry mouth, irritability, and other wacky hijinks. I know side effects are different for everyone, but yeah...I wouldn't want to take Meridia for a long period of time.

I just want to say that I struggle so much with the things I eat and wish I could just have an apple instead of a cheeseburger from McDonalds. I know what you're going through and I hope we'll both be able to conquer this crap.

[dreaming-faerie.livejournal.com]

If you need help and tips, you can try SparkPeople. I joined it and so did my friend. I haven't done much in the meantime, but she lost 10 lbs since joining. I am starting to walk around more though and I've been trying to do at least 10 minutes of exercise a day.

Diet pills are just... ugh. They make my heart rate beat so much faster and I can't take them.