Yeah, yeah, I know, Friday.

[fisme_nasu]

I feel all exhausted and depressed and just ugh. I don't have much reason to - I was tapped for a promotion at work on Wednesday - no money yet, they want to see how I fit into the job first. But some things were said to me - not hurtful or even about me, but they still set me off in this awful spiral and I'm trying really hard to maintain right now. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks and it looks as if I'm not going today - they're begging for OT. But I said I'd update, and I'm gonna.

Bust - 50" +.5
Waist - 40" = 0
Hips - 61.5" +.5
Under belly - 56.5" +1
Thigh - 27.5" = 0
Upper arm = 18" +.25

So not exercising and eating poorly = no progress or gain. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself. I really want to wallow in guilt, but I can't because that'll make it worse.

Right now, I really want to just say fuck it, but I can't. I can't keep doing things the way I am. I've been really lucky healthwise, but judging by my family history, that luck will run out soon if I don't do something. I'm going to bust my ass at work and think about what's really important.

ETA - maybe I'm just being overdramatic. I do that from time to time. I just went back and looked at my original measurements and saw how far I've come. And it's pretty far. It just seems like nothing is happening. And when I made those goals, they were for the end of the summer, and it's not even spring yet. I'm just scared because I'm planning on trying on dresses for the first time on April 4, and that's awfully soon. I really don't want to look as terrible as I think I will.

Comments

[swankivy.livejournal.com]

That's a good attitude--not wanting to quit even though lack of success makes you sorta want to. You HAVE come a long way, and you can even see the differences in then/now pictures! Hmm, maybe metabolism could use a boost--have you ever tried the whole eating a bunch of smaller meals in a day thing? It's supposed to work really well if you keep your body processing food regularly rather than having to slow to a crawl to process globs of it several times a day. Some say if you do this sort of thing you shouldn't go more than 4 hours without eating. And drinking something helps too. At work I have coffee when I get there, Crystal Light or water until noon, fruit at noon, soup at 1, and carrots at 2! I'm never too far from something to munch. I like it that way but I have also heard it is healthy to do, so maybe try something like it and you may be able to eat the same food but burn more of it. Meh, enough rambling from me.

[(Anonymous)]

i agree with all of this. it's great that you haven't quit just because the last two weeks have thrown you off. i'm trying really hard to do the same.

also with the smaller meals more times a day thing. like a reasonable breakfast/lunch/dinner, and a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack...box of raisins, some nuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, fruit, raw veggies, whole grain crackers and cheese, healthy granola bar, etc. and drinking water (or something else actually hydrating like herbal teas or decaf teas, not soda or anything too sugary or too cafeinated) all day long.

something that makes me personally more likely to eat more healthy things during the week is to come up with a rough meal plan for the week before i go to the grocery store.

[fisme-nasu.livejournal.com]

Feh. You eat like a bird. :)

I have tried something similar, but I'm either constantly hungry or constantly craving things that aren't good for me. I really think I have a sugar addiction. I can't stop at one small piece or a couple of bites. I have to eat the whole damn thing. And nine times out of ten, I will choose the things that are bad for me. The funny thing is, I LOVE healthy food.

I've been thinking about it and I've been doing this since junior high. We never had any junk food available to us when we were kids, and I would steal change from my parents' bedroom to be able to buy candy, chips, or other junky things. I'd get caught, inevitably, and I'd try to be sneakier. My parents would chain the fridge shut, mainly because they had two hungry teenagers coming home and not a whole bunch of money for groceries. When I got to college, all bets were off. I ate so much crap that first year, I'm surprised my stomach didn't explode. I definitely hide most of my eating from other people, especially when I eat junk.

[swankivy.livejournal.com]

LOL--I've heard birds eat like twice their weight, so . . . hmm!

There's also the whole philosophy of "eat until you're not hungry, not until you're full." I guess I do that. What's also a good idea is eating things that take a long time to eat. Like popcorn, carrots, apples. I'm always disappointed after I eat a fake hot dog 'cause it takes me like a minute to consume it, but an apple is I think about the same calories and it keeps me busy for ten minutes, and then I feel like I ate a lot 'cause I chewed a bunch.

I know what you mean about the college thing--when I was allowed to choose what I bought, there was a lot of strawberry Quik, five cookies in a glass of milk, pound cake, and rice krispy treats. . . . I must have ended up weighing 25 pounds more than I do now, which is a lot on a less-than-five-foot-tall person! I'm actually kinda surprised when I look at some of those pictures. Like this one:
http://swankivy.com/pictures/spring2000/iwall2.jpg
And this one:
http://swankivy.com/pictures/halloween1999/bend.jpg
I used to eat until I was full and for something to do a lot back then. I shudder to think what mighta happened if I'd been into alcohol on top of that. I feel ya on that whole "eat the whole thing" too--I generally have to either eat it or give it away to get rid of it, because once it's opened I WILL consume it. For me I just have to kinda not buy the stuff--I never buy cookies or cake or candy--and when I make it, I have to have it for a special occasion and then give it to Mikey or Jeaux or Mom or whatever or else it goes into my tum. :) Luckily I am also happily obsessed with DDR, but still. . . . I know exactly what you mean. . . .

[3v1lsh33pz.livejournal.com]

loving healthy food is a start at least :) my brother pretty much only likes junk food and hates healthy food. his diet consists of white pasta, parmesan cheese, pizza, chips and root beer. and reeses peanut butter cups. and brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts. and he's got high cholesterol at 19 years old, but won't change his eating habits because he doesn't like anything else.

have you tried just not buying the junk in the first place so it isn't around to be eaten? easier said than done, for sure. i keep telling myself not to buy the ice cream and the easter candy, and yet i still end up buying some frequently while i'm at the store, telling myself it's just a small container or one cadbury caramel egg, and it's just a treat, and i won't get any next time. i'm pretty sure most people in the US have sugar addictions.

no matter how healthy i try to eat, i can never seem to give up the sweets. i think i'm slowly getting better though. i've started really reading labels and not buying things that have added sugar/high fructose corn syrup/etc that aren't actually cookies or candy. for instance, peanut butter. i make sure any peanut butter i buy is pretty much only peanuts maybe some salt, no added sweetener of any kind. it doesn't need it, especially since i almost always eat it with jam, which is sweet. (i also have been using home-made no-sugar-added jam...juice sweetened). no more buying of white bread/white pasta/white rice/etc ever. only whole grain breads/occasional bagels/pasta/brown rice. and i read the bread labels too to make sure they don't have added sugar/HFCS either. and i'm sure to get protein in the mornings. which does seem to help some.

it's no wonder that so many people are sugar addicted because it's in *everything*, and it's not like i ever thought to check before. why would applesauce need added sugar? applesauce without added sugar is plenty sweet. and i had no idea how many breads...even whole grain breads..had high fructose corn syrup in them. my grocery store only has one brand that doesn't.

i don't think that sugar is the devil and needs to be avoided at all costs or anything, but i do think that we have been way too overexposed to "hidden" sugar in way too many foods that don't need/shouldn't have it, so we've all been addicted. someone who never eats cookies and candies might be addicted because it's in their cereal and sandwiches and so on.

[shadowfreder.livejournal.com]

Yeah don't be too hard on yourself and don't give up!!!

Just think, one step at a time, one day at a time...